Trying, Harder

Welcoming new year isn’t my thing. I don’t go around saying how much I need another year to feel better. Above all, alhamdulillah. That’s all. I’m no longer a sad or anxious person. I’m learning to take care of myself, so that I could help those in need. I just thought that, it must be nice being the person lending these hands, regardless of everything. The thought of someone going to trust me, having faith in me, that I’m needed by someone with the same wavelengths as mine.

Age ate me up, but I couldn’t give up yet.

Life’s too short to worry about planning things. I’m just going to see how far I’ll go, with or without my family and friends. I want to learn to guide this life, giving my best shots in whichever ways I could. You know how much I want to write it all out but I can’t really write anything nice haha. Anyway, I don’t hate people anymore. Another /laughs/. I just want to say that, whenever I see or read something unpopular and I want to react to it, the best thing I could do is leave it right there.

Context: Unpopular opinions, but not all.

I don’t argue with people anymore and I don’t engage with unnecessary comments. If I want to say something about it, I’ll write another post – reaching to whoever matters. Even if they could be wrong and I know something about it – we all deserve another chance. We all deserve another room to be better. That’s all. It’s driven by ego, not consciousness, and fear of letting go of something. But someday they’ll learn; we all learn. As I once wrote, here:  I let them go for loving them for who they are. I let them go so that they’ll grow into someone stronger.

But I have to learn to let go too, so that I could grow.

I’m in Your Head While She’s in Your Heart

The weirdest part of our story is how we don’t see each other, yet we talk in our dreams. I used to dream of you when I was sad and in pain. I can’t recall why you looked familiar in those dreams: is it your bubbly face? Is it your sweet voice?

Now that I don’t dream of you anymore, I would really like to meet you. I want to tell you about everything I saw as we both walked on different paths. Would you like to tell me yours? I’m not telling, I’m just asking. You must be seeing so many people, wonderful people, and you probably don’t plan to find me again. You only need me while dreaming, you want me to dream away your sadness too, don’t you? We’re just the same. Because you know that I won’t say no.

I don’t think I’m gonna meet other people. It amazes me, if you think about the coincidences in life and how someday, just someday, we would cross each other’s path again? Maybe I’m going to be a bride, but you’re already a father. Who knows? There isn’t much time to focus on anyone else but you. And you only need me when you’re sad. I wonder why can’t I be the place you call home? All the joys and pain you’ve carried in life, I’m always ready to be your home.

If only I was brave to tell you how much you meant to me, there could be us walking together on the same path. But I’m in your head while she’s in your heart, what could possibly go wrong?